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Relationship Bliss or Disaster: You Get To Choose

Friday March 27th 2015 - 14:18 AM EST
Added by: Fairfield Psychological Associates, P.C

Whether in a marriage or long term relationship, how each individual chooses to handle stress and emotional support determines long term happiness, as opposed to relationship failure and unhappiness. Though it is hard to determine the chemistry that initially draws couples together, many working in this field have a good idea of what undermines relationships as well as what helps them to succeed. Here are some pointers:

Where you are going is more important then where you have been. Simply put, regardless of diverse background, or needing to deal with one’s past family dysfunctions, couple who share a plan for the future and mutual values that guide their future, tend to stay together.

Remember that you are a team. It should be you and your partner against the world, not each other. There are always going to be disagreements. but arguing in a way that is destructive, such as name calling and ridicule only serves to tear down the person who should be your biggest ally.

Practice and learn to deal constructively with conflict and stress. The longer you are together, the more complicated your lives become{children, finances, medical problems, moves, extended families}. Remember that person you so strongly disagree with is the same person that has wonderful traits that you were drawn to. Acknowledge those traits and respect each others opinions and use your partners strengths when sorting out life stressors.

Utilize humor and try to be flexible. Sometimes couples need to lighten up and find the absurdities in what they are arguing about to diffuse the situation; and the challenges of family require constant shifting and adjusting. Being rigid can be part of an unhealthy pattern which results in poor problem solving and distancing of your partner.

Be supportive of both accomplishments as well as failures. Celebrate and compliment your partners successes. At the same time, learn when to give constructive criticism and when to be there for emotional support, without trying to simply fix a problem. Encourage each other to have outside interests and prioritize your need to have time together. It is important to find a balance. DON’T BE CONTROLLING!

Even the closest couple are not mind readers. Communicate to your spouse what you need, whether it is as mundane as being overwhelmed with house work or something as important as more affection. When your partner does communicate, listen. Turn off that Television or game system. Unmet needs brew resentment, which over time is destructive and leads to extra marital affairs.

Relationship building takes a lot of work. The rewards can be monumental, the disappointments staggering; and remember, most of the time, the more fulfilling a relationship is, the less emotional distance there is, the better the sex is, which only leads to more good feelings.


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